Excitement is building as the nominees begin to arrive for the 2011 Academy Awards. The show should fall in the centre of the entertaining/cringe-making/intellectually insulting Venn diagram. The young hosts have a lot to lose – our respect mostly – especially James Franco, the star du jour whose name seems to be linked with every major picture announced in the past two weeks. The battle for Best Picture is really only down to two films, The Social Network and The King’s Speech, while the acting gongs are almost all certs, barring Best Supporting Actress, so don’t expect any major upsets.
Here’s hoping it’s a fun night, or at least one we can mock mercilessly for its terribleness.
Feel free to follow me on Twitter at @DeusExCinema for updates as well.
It’s after 11pm here, but we’ll be working on LA time, as per usual.
3.40pm – Amy Adams’s dress is sparkly but plain. Best Supporting Actress nominee, third time unlucky.
3.41pm – Mila Kunis’s dress is perfection. In that it makes me think I can see her nipples.
3.44pm – Michelle Williams looks great, but not very much like Michelle Williams. Are those things linked?
3.49pm – Mandy Moore looks pretty. Mandy Moore has no reason to be here, but she looks pretty.
3.50pm – Hailee Steinfeld’s dress is a little too old for her. Trying too hard, young lady.
3.52pm – Jennifer Hudson has lost a lot of weight. She looks good, but you’d be worried after all she’s been through.
3.53pm – Geoffrey Rush looks like David Letterman’s keyboard guy.
3.55pm – Cate Blanchett, good god no! Why do you want to be that person everyone mocks?
3.56pm – Purple and yellow, with Goldie Hawn’s shotgun hole from Death Becomes Her.
3.58pm – Jeremy Renner; the only young actor who doesn’t look like he just fell out of bed.
3.59pm – Oh god, Scarlett Johansson has gone with the “rape hair” look.
4.05pm – So is Florence Welch performing or is she just an additional famous person of the hour? She looks suitably zombie bride.
4.07pm – Twilight something or other during the Oscars? Kill me now.
4.09pm – Ah, Justin Timberlake, a popstar who has a right to be here!
4.11pm – Didn’t see Blue Valentine, suspect it would make me cry/kill myself. Meanwhile, Michelle Williams looks like a glass of champagne.
4.12pm – Marisa Tomei looks like a racoon. A racoon I want to give me rabies.
4.18pm – Helena Bonham Carter has come in character. Which character? Every character she’s ever played.
4.20pm – Ah Hilary Swank, always dancing across that line of I would so totally hit that and back again. (she’s on the former side tonight)
4.21pm – Colin Firth, looking perfectly blandly handsome.
4.22pm – Steven Spielberg’s daughter looks so like him it’s frightening.
4.23pm – Jennifer Lawrence: sheer, unadulterated perfection.
4.24pm – Helen Mirren looks great, but the colour of the dress looks… unpainted.
4.25pm – Stupid sexy Bardem-Cruzs.
4.26pm – Christian Bale has a… beard. What kind of beard is that? It’s certainly a beard.
4.28pm – Josh Brolin has not been this clean-shaven since The Goonies.
4.29pm – Reese Witherspoon has stolen Barbarella’s hair!
4.30pm – Nicole Kidman’s dress is… confusing.
4.32pm – Dang y’all, is that Matthew McConaughey’s real accent?!
4.34pm – Gwyneth Paltrow has stolen Barbarella’s costume!
4.38pm – Sandra Bullock, also in red. I have nothing more to add.
4.40pm – The Curious Case of Halle Berry. She has not aged, ever.
4.41pm – Donald Trump’s hair makes it look like his forehead has been censored.
4.48pm – Mark Wahlberg always looks like he’s about to punch someone. Except in The Fighter, strangely.
4.50pm – Disappointed by Anne Hathaway’s dress. Imagine she’ll have a costume change or two…
4.56pm – Natalie is very pregnant, but hardly as glamorous as she could/should be. Still would though.
5.01pm – Jennifer Lawrence is back on the screen. Can we keep her there?
5.04pm – Stop talking about her dress, amazing as it is. LOOK AT HER HAIR?!?
5.08pm – Melissa Leo’s dress looks like it could be used to mop up spills. Glad she’s not as terrifying as her character in The Fighter in real life.
5.10pm – James Franco looks stoned oh god James Franco looks stoned oh god James Franco looks stoned oh god James Franco looks stoned oh god…
5.13pm – Armie Hammer. What a guy! What two guys!
5.14pm – E! have finally caved to my desires and are just showing Jennifer Lawrence on a loop.
5.21pm – Aw, Hailee Steinfeld seems just lovely. Just lovely.
5.23pm – Who is that girl holding hands with Michelle Williams…?
5.28pm – Tom Hanks, what a pro.
5.32pm – It’s starting – Inception sketch!
5.33pm – Alec Baldwin stunt cameo!
5.35pm – Oh Morgan Freeman and his narration jokes.
5.36pm – You just got Inceptioned!
5.38pm – Love the Back to the Future reference!
5.38pm – Anne re-emerges in a much nicer dress. Good job.
5.39pm – Oh dear, this is already a little cringey.
5.40pm – Has a host ever been nominated before?
5.42pm – Where is the dad in Toy Story 3?
5.42pm – Because when I think Gone With the Wind, I think Tom Hanks.
5.43pm – Oh my god, why are we studying Titanic?
5.44pm – Production Design… The King’s Speech for an early start?
5.45pm – No! Alice in Wonderland takes it!
5.46pm – Aw, a tiny hat. Good way to end a terrible speech.
5.47pm – Inception takes Cinematography. Surprising loss for The Social Network.
5.51pm – Is James Franco using Anne Hathaway as a prop?
5.52pm – Kirk Douglas?! Hooray!
5.56pm – Kirk Douglas knows who Hugh Jackman and Colin Firth are!
5.57pm – He took his time beautifully with that! The Oscar for Best Supporting Actress goes to Melissa Leo!
5.59pm – Melissa Leo wins best spontaneous swearing of the night.
6.01pm – Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake. This could get sexy.
6.02pm – Best Animated Feature and Short coming up… after some iPhone comedy.
6.03pm – These all look lovely, but I have to back Day & Night…
6.03pm – But it’s The Lost Thing. Yay?
6.05pm – Toy Story 3 has this in the bag… alas.
6.06pm – Toy Story 3! Shock. Horror.
6.07pm – Why is everyone who works at Pixar so insanely camp?
6.12pm – Anne is back to pimp some more historical nonsense. Someone’s speech is gonna get cut short for this.
6.13pm – Best Adapted Screenplay presented by 1920s doctors Javier Bardem and Josh Brolin.
6.15pm – Aaron Sorkin wins! He was always going to, some day. He sounds utterly unsurprised, and referenced my favourite film Network!
6.16pm – That orchestra pit hates Aaron Sorkin.
6.17pm – Best Original Screenplay… Inception? Probably.
6.18pm – No, it’s The King’s Speech. Great writing, admittedly.
6.19pm – He doesn’t have a stutter!
6.23pm – Uh oh, Anne Hathaway is in a tux.
6.25pm – Well, the dress explains why James Franco has been missing the last half hour.
6.26pm – Helen Mirren nails Russell Brand.
6.27pm – Denmark’s In a Better World wins Best Foreign Language Picture. I have not seen this film. Or heard of it.
6.29pm – Best Supporting Bale, surely.
6.32pm – A deserved win for The Fighter. Bloody hell indeed!
6.33pm – Bearded Bale makes Bale Out reference!
6.39pm – Woooh! Boring!
6.39pm – The cast of Australia is here.
6.40pm – Enough history, give out music awards already!
6.42pm – Best Original Score, Inception vs The Social Network, I presume.
6.43pm – Trent Reznor for The Social Network. No big surprise. Very even handing for the awards so far tonight…
6.45pm – Scarlett’s new boyfriend?
6.46pm – I hate the SOUND of them both.
6.47pm – Inception is about to do some technical cleaning up.
6.48pm – Oh, that was Sound Mixing. Now Sound Editing.
6.49pm – More Inception.
6.53pm – What is James Franco on?
6.54pm – Brilliant, Marisa Tomei presents technical nonsense. Yay! Technical nonsense!
6.55pm – Cate Blanchett is here to pimp The Hobbit through The Lord of the Rings. Oh, and present Makeup and Costume awards.
6.56pm – The critically derided The Wolfman wins Best Makeup. Well, there you go. Hope for all of us yet.
6.58pm – Costume could go anywhere. But it went to Alice in Wonderland. Looks like you can buy Academy Awards after all…
7.00pm – Damn, costume lady can talk.
7.01pm – Vox pop songs! With Obama bonus!
7.04pm – Damn, Randy Newman’s voice is gone.
7.05pm – Oh right, that’s why Mandy Moore is here. Like her new dress. Not a fan of the song.
7.12pm – Amy Adams and Jake Gyllenhaal. Someone else he can have no onscreen chemistry with whatsoever.
7.13pm – The award for Best Documentary Short Subject goes to Strangers No More. Aw, Asian kids are cute.
7.15pm – And God of Love wins Best Short. Best Hair, more like!
7.17pm – Auto-tune for the win!
7.19pm – I want to play with Anne Hathaway’s dress!
7.20pm – Oprah’s keeping it real… with the Best Documentary Award.
7.21pm – Inside Job takes it. No Oscar for Banksy.
7.27pm – Billy Crystal. Shit just got real.
7.28pm – In one minute Crystal has gotten more laughs than anyone else all night.
7.30pm – All that, a tribute to Bob Hope. God, this could get funny.
7.31pm – Robert Downey Jr and Jude Law make the most of the Holmes/Watson dichotomy.
7.33pm – Special Effects goes deservedly to Inception.
7.35pm – Editing goes to The Social Network. 127 Hours deserved it, but was never going to win.
7.39pm – At this stage it’s beginning to look like The Social Network‘s night. Not over yet though…
7.41pm – Now Anne Hathaway is in red. She looks amazing.
7.42pm – Jennifer Hudson is back, presenting A R Rahman and Florence Welch. This could get awesome…
7.44pm – And then Gwyneth Paltrow started singing. I sing better than this in the shower.
7.45pm – I didn’t really like any of these songs.
7.47pm – Randy Newman wins it. Seven out of 20 is still pretty good going…
7.48pm – “You could find a fifth song!” You go Randy Newman!
7.52pm – Celine Dion is here to help us cry.
7.55pm – Tony Curtis, Leslie Nielsen, Pete Postlethwaite, Lynn Redgrave, Dennis Hopper, Blake Edwards. Farewell to a lot of greats.
7.59pm – Only four awards to go? Where did the night go? Oh wait, I spent it drinking, eating Pringles and staring at two screens at once.
8.01pm – Anne Hathaway is wearing a dress of liquid blue. Well done.
8.02pm – Here’s foxy Kathryn Bigalow. No men nominated this year though.
8.02pm – No award for David Fincher! Shocker! Tom Hooper wins for The King’s Speech. What does this mean? *head explode*
8.05pm – The moral of the story is listen to your mother.
8.06pm – Clips of much more talented people getting awards they truly deserve. Hooray!
8.10pm – Where in the world is Jean-Luc Goddard?
8.12pm – Yay Jeff Bridges. Seeming utterly sober!
8.13pm – Serious spoiler alert on some of these clips tonight.
8.14pm – Can we please give Jennifer Lawrence the Oscar for Best Picture?
8.16pm – Natalie Portman wins for Black Swan, bien sûr.
8.18pm – Oh just give the baby the Oscar already!
8.20pm – Can anyone stop Sandra Bullock from giving this award to Colin Firth?
8.24pm – James Franco backstage. Embarassing.
8.25pm – Colin Firth wins!
8.28pm – A strong, heartfelt speech. Bravo!
8.29pm – Wait, one award left and they take an ad break? God I hate America some times.
8.31pm – Seriously, how many times are they gonna let Spielberg give out the damn Best Picture Oscar?
8.33pm – Is this montage not kind of giving it to The King’s Speech?
8.35pm – The King’s Speech! Wow, quite the upset for it to take both awards. Impressive job, though not convinced it was the best.
8.37pm – So wait, no more awards for The Wolfman?
8.39pm – CHILDREN!!! THERE ARE CHILDREN SINGING! GIVE CHILDREN OSCARS!
8.44pm – Well, that was what we predicted initially, but then became a surprise after the night’s events. It’s been a great night everyone, even if one of the hosts was barely even there at all. Goodnight all, it’s been fun!